I was talking with a father at Ciara's swimming lessons the other day, and he was asking why we liked Denver so much. It got me thinking. I was trying to explain what it was about it that made us love it so much. I started by saying it was the people that were so nice. He replied, "Yeah, more relaxed than all the uptight mormons." I was kind of surprised to hear him say that, being that he is mormon as well. (I had kind of pegged him for one of the uptight ones). Then I said that there was less of the "keeping up with the Joneses" mentality there as opposed to here. He agreed with that as well, which was also a shock to me. He drives a Porsche and a Cadillac, and has a rather nice house, with all the toys (RV, boat, etc). Both of those reasons contribute to my having a difficult time in Utah. But I have figured out the main reason. Here, people seem to define me by my religion. No, not everyone does this. Most of my friends know me, not "mormon me." But there is great pressure that I feel. Either I am "one of them" or I am not. There is very little middle ground. Once people find out that I am mormon, one of 2 things happen. If they themselves are not mormon, they automatically think I am judging them, and am no fun at all (which is totally not true. I had 21 years of non-mormon living, and went to Mardi Gras for goodness sakes!). Many times I also feel like I have to defend what I believe. Why do you care why I believe? Do I ask you why you are Catholic, or Baptist, or whatever? They assume they "know" me. If they are mormon, they automatically assume I am just like them: I think like them, I do the same things as them, my past is the same as their past, etc. I also feel like they aren't always being real either, and feel the need to keep up the "perfect" front so I won't judge them. Again, they assume they "know" me. I want to be known for me, not for what I believe. It doesn't define me. I don't want anyone to be offended by this. I HAVE met people who do not do this, and I have friends that truly know me. But as a general observation, this is what I have felt. And it is frustrating. There are also expectations, from both groups (the mormon and non-mormon). They both expect me to think a certain way, and when I don't they are shocked. I am constantly editing myself so I don't offend anyone. It is kind of tiring. This is why I have a difficult time living in Utah. I really miss Denver.
Now I am afraid of publishing this. I really don't want to piss anyone off. Oh well. I promise, the next post will be happier (hopefully)!
8 comments:
Haha your bishop is totally going to require some "private lashings" for this little blurb.
I think us heathens and LDS-tranplants are all in agreeance on at least one thing: the Utah lifers are batshit crazy.
Oh man, I'm a Utah lifer, but I hope I'm not too bad Nici, you'll have to let me know! :-) But that's interesting about Denver. And I agree, here in Utah there is A LOT of keeping up with the "jones" and that really bugs! I've never lived anywhere else though, so I have no clue what other places are like. Actually my sister in law lives in Vegas and it is VERY keeping up with "jones" there. So who knows! Either way, hopefully I'm an okay Utah Mormon that can be your friend.
wait, i thougth you were friends with me because i'm catholic. Shit, i've got to figure this out. ;)
I completely agree with you Nici. I feel that way all the time. People couldn't believe that when I was a primary teacher I didn't know all the songs-I never learned them! Sorry! I hate the assumpution of how some people think they "know" you and your past just because. I get you Nici-no worries
Margaret, don't worry! I don't categorize you in either of my categories. For most people who read this, it does not apply to them.
And Erin, I am the same way! I am in primary now, and I don't know any of the songs! I just sit there and let the kids sing for me!
Oh hey Nici, as the primary choirester I'll be happy to teach them to you! lol But really, when I do singing time I would say 1/2 the teachers have one of those little song books. Even lifers don't know the songs. I know my mother in law has NO clue!
if it makes you guys feel better...I was raised in the church and have the hardest time remembering the words to most primary songs....I always mess them up. My poor kids.
and Nici...I understand what you are saying. it's been awhile..we should talk!
My advice: Be REAL, be genuine, and be sincere with no pretense . . . before long it won't matter who is mormon and who isn't.
As for "keeping up w/the jones" - people aren't happy if they feel they have to compete. I've lived in modest, humble neighborhoods as well as affluent neighborhoods and the people who are happiest are those feel contentment and gratitude for all they have been given, even if it's not much. I say, "keep the competition for the tennis court (or the track, or the pool, etc.)!"
Fun blog btw, and thanks for hosting book group last night - it was lovely!
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