For 18 months, we tried to get pregnant. The month we found out we were going to have a baby, the doctor's told me that the drugs were still not working, and we would have to try again next month. I was sure that I wasn't pregnant. But, surprise, I was. And so happy! Then I thought that I had lost you, but again, you surprised us. Everything else was great during the pregnancy, and your delivery was easy (as far as deliveries go). It was after that all the trouble started. You started to cry at about 3 days old. One night, you cried from 9pm until 4 am, non stop. It was hell. You cried all the time. I can remember sitting on the couch with you, crying right along with you, and wondering, "What have I done to my life?" At one point, I was trying to rationalize giving you up for adoption. (I also believe I had a bit of postpartum depression, so that had to contribute to my state of mind at that point.) But I made it through those awful first 3 months, and from then on, you were the best baby and toddler. We moved to Denver when you were 4 months old, and had a great time together. Since we were alone, you and I did everything together. You became the best shopper, and to this day, you still love shopping at the mall. We joined a play group, and those women became my surrogate family. You were always the girliest of all the girls. As the other kids were playing in the dirt, you would walk by and clean them off (you were about 15 months at the time). I remember one time you fell at the park, and were so upset. Not because you were hurt, but because you were covered in mud. The other moms took pictures of you because they had never seen you so dirty. When I became pregnant with Caden, you turned into a little mother. You loved (and still do) your baby dolls. At that time, you decided that you had a baby in your tummy also. You used to love to kiss my belly, and talk to Kay-Kay (that was your name for Caden). After he was born, you started to breast feed your babies. You would get out my Boppy, sit on the couch, and feed them. You made sure they ate from both sides, and then burp them after. As you grew, you became very imaginative. You would well me that alligators were in the bottoms of puddles. You also loved to say embarrassing things. I will never forget (at 2 1/2 years old) in the middle of Bucca di Beppo (and italian restaurant) telling Grandma, "I have a vagina." Or in the middle of the Nordstrom cafe, telling Grandma (again), "This hot dog looks like a penis." You have since turned into a little girl. You still love to take care of your babies, and you love to take care of your brother. If he is upset, you are the first to race over and give him hugs. You also love to refer to him as your best friend (which just melts my heart). You are definitely your own person, and I can't wait to see where you go in life. You changed me into a mother. You were my first miracle. And I love you. Happy Birthday!
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